Cat Video Clips

These large files may take awhile to download

* Requires Apple QuickTime movie player (download here).

• E-Mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy."
• Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.
• You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.catnip.
• Your web browser has a new home page: http://www.feline.com/.
• Your mouse has teeth marks in it ... and a strange aroma of tuna.
• Hate-mail messages to Apple Computer Corp. about their release of "CyberDog."
• Double-anchovy pizzas ordered from Pizza Hut's new web site.
• You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.
• On IRC you're known as the IronMouser.
• There are little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.

A Page from the Cat's Diary

Day 712 -- My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.  The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.   Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

-- Piraro, "Finding the cat's diary"   

One fine sunny day, two robins were lying on their backs, enjoying the sun.  A mother cat and her kittens went strolling by.  The kittens, as always, were saying how hungry they were and what could they have to eat?  Their mom, spying the birds, said "How about some baskin' robins?"

Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair.

Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches.

Luxurious, shiny black fur replaced with mint green polyester pants suit.

It's no longer safe to lift him without a spotter.

Waits for the third bowl of food to get finicky.

He only catches mice that get trapped in his gravitational pull.

Enormous gut keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed.

Has more chins than lives.

Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food or a nearby scurrying mouse. Law of Cat Magnetism All clothing attracts cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. Law of Cat Thermodynamics Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, for which all heat flows to the cat.

First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will therefore use as little energy as possible.

Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored, by a lot of napping.

Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach any countertop that has anything remotely interesting on it.

Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something that is good to eat.

Law of Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat. ("Nature abhors an empty box.")

Law of the Space-Time Continuum
Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.

Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

Law of Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

Law of Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

Law of Equidistant Separation
All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.  Every cat knows that he is the center of the universe -- and it's dangerous for universes to collide.

Law of Cat Invisibility
In a cat's mind, if he can't see you, then you can't see him.

Law of Concentration of Mass
A cat's mass increases linearly with his desire not to be picked up.

Law of Cat Probability (Uncertainty Principle)
It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she might be.

• Do you select your friends based on how well your cats like them?

• Does your desire to collect cats intensify during times of stress?

• Do you buy more than 50 pounds of cat litter a month?

• Do you think it's cute when your cat swings on your drapes or licks
  your butter?

• Do you admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have?

• Do you sleep in the same position all night because it annoys your
  cats when you move?

• Do you feed your cat tidbits from the table with your fork?

• Do you know if your cat prefers white or dark turkey meat?

• Have you been known to entertain your cat by running around the living
  room floor on all fours, making noises like a doomed field mouse?

• Does your cat sleep on your head?

• Do you like it?

• Do you put off making the bed until the cat gets up?

• Do you have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the
  refrigerator?

• Do you grow your own catnip?

• Do you watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote?

• Will you stand at the open door indefinitely in the freezing rain
  while your cat sniffs the door, deciding whether to go out or come in?

• Would you rather spend a night at home with your cat than go out on a bad
  date?

• Do you give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas?